Kindness Matters

Happy Tuesday everyone it's actually Tuesday!

This is an email I sent to myself in 2016(!) that I wrote as a blog post but never posted. I read it today and it made me think. The only editing I did was fixing typos.

Kindness Matters

The average person, in my experience, has a default attitude. For most people, it's a sort of kind or polite attitude. When I talk to people I know well and who know me I act like myself. I'm really loud! And rude and crude. If I act like this around you it means I'm comfortable with you and I'm being myself. That is not my default attitude. The attitude you have when you talk to a complete stranger on the street or a cashier at a grocery store. Mine is a sort of polite kindness that is also a bit reserved and shy. My voice changes when I talk to people I don't know or people of authority that I don't know well. My voice gets quieter and more feminine. This isn't something I do on purpose and after I hear that voice I usually get annoyed with myself. Why do I change for strangers? But that is just my default.

I think most people have this default kindness. Things we do or say that can be considered kindness but to most of us is just a sort of common sense or attitude or politeness. That is still a kindness though. 

I remember sitting in a suicide prevention assembly and hearing a story where I high school kid helped pick up a boys books when they were walking home. To the guy picking up the books, it was no big deal. It was a default kindness. To the other boy. It was a life-saving moment for him. These two became friends and the boy who dropped his books later told the other boy that the day they met he was going to go home and kill himself. But that small default kindness stopped him. 

Default kindness is important. You don't know what the people around you are going through. You don't know if that default kindness will save their life or make their day.

Purposeful kindnesses are also important. When I started driving I noticed that I was practicing a purposeful kindness that my other friends who were driving didn't practice. I have never honked my horn. I don't like too. Now if I were about to be killed by a car hurtling towards me heck yeah I would honk. But if someone cuts me off without the apology wave or does some sort of stupid thing on the road I don't honk. Because I cut people off and its always for a reason. I make stupid mistakes and when people,e honk at me it isn't a good feeling. So I don't honk at them.

Or when someone around me is having a bad day and that negatively somehow gets put onto me. I let it go. I let them have their bad day. I don't yell back or call them names or anything like that because I have bad days too. Sometimes I'm mean to people. So I allow other people to have their bad day.

There are days where I am angry at the world and because my friends are apart of that world they get a taste of my anger. They usually know to let me ride out my anger or whatever such emotion it may be and I always apologize later. That's their kindness to me. I think we all do this with our friends. It's harder to do it for strangers though and that is what I'm conscious of. Because we don't know what that person is like normally. So we don't know if they're being mean to us just because theyre having a bad day. So when someone I don't know is a jerk to me I assume they're having a bad day. That is my kindness.

I think the way we act towards others is the most important kind of kindness. What we say and how we treat people are very important. because people are fragile. You dont know if an off handed joke you make can hurt someone. When I was younger my cousin was very sensative about being called stupid. That was his trigger word. It was his biggest insecurity so when people offhandedly said it to him he would go off. So I made sure to never say it to him.

A couple months ago I was sitting in my class and we were having a very lighthearted group discussion. We were joking around and having fun and at some point, we got to the topic of spouse abuse. And when you're comfortable in a group you might say something that could otherwise be insulting. So I said something like, "That's what they always say. He didn't mean it, he won't do it agian, he loves me." In response to something. And one of my classmates imediatly left the room. My heart fell. This girl wasn't my best friend but we were good aquantances. She came back into class and afterwards I went up to her and asked if she was okay and if what I said upset her. She said. "For some people, it's more real than others.". She kind of shrugged off my asking if I had upset her. I profusely apoligsed. She thanked me and looked at my kind of surprised. She could tell what I was saying was sincere and I think it touched her that I cared.

I've been at the wrong side of bullying and even just jokes that hurt. I never want to be that person that even accidently says somethingt that could affect another person like that. So when I make remakers that hurt people I sincerely apologise.

Kindness doesnt have to mean going out of your way to make someone happy. It can be little things. All kinds of kindness matter. What may seem like something so small to you may seem really big to someone else. People by definition are selfish. We aren't always aware of the people around us and how our actions impact them. So be a little more aware. A little more conscious. 

Totally Ky