A Present from the Universe

Happy Tuesday everyone, it is not Tuesday but it is my birthday. Okay it's not my birthday it is 1:42 in the morning on the day after and I'm writing my first blog post on my new computer. This is too long.

Let's.

Move.

Down.

Here.



I say it is still my birthday because I just got an amazing birthday present from the universe.

It rains every year on my birthday. I joked to my boyfriend that this is my birthday present from the universe to compensate for all the crap I have to deal with. I love the rain. This year the universe gave me two gifts.

Last month I remembered that I had a Claddagh ring. Below is an explanation on what this is and here is a link to where I got the picture if you want more information. I remembered this when I saw a beautiful Claddagh ring online. I excitedly looked for it. When I stopped wearing this ring I had not yet met my boyfriend so I was excited to wear it in the different position. But I could not find it.

I cleaned my entire room. Re-organised it even for a different reason but hoping I would find it in the process. Nothing. I was so heart broken. My last clear memory of having the ring was my junior year in highschool just before my grandpa died, I was giving a presentation on my family history and so I wrote about being Irish and I held up the ring in front of the class and showed pictures of my mom and I wearing our matching rings, Shortly after that my grandpa past away and I moved into a different room. I was terrified that it got lost in the move and that I would never find it.

Today as I was playing with my new computer I clicked the start button and suddenly pictures from my junior year appeared  as a slide show in the featured app. My junior year I had a tablet that saved my pictures to onedrive that I had not used since. One of the pictures that showed was the pictures of me and my mom wearing our rings. I was happy to find the the pictures but sad again because I could not find the ring.

I make my bed because there were crumbs. I look around my room at the mess I need to clean up.

I look at this shelf still thinking about the ring.

 I see my grammie's bear. 

I could have sworn that I checked the box it held already. But I got up anyway and opened it. I saw a ring. I was excited. Then disappointed when I thought it was a ring my mom get me when I turned thirteen (I think . . . It was like a coming of age present, I remember that.). I have three rings. I am not a ring person. So it could have only been one of three rings.

The third ring (top finger) was from when I was little so it couldn't have been that one. I should ask my mom where that's from. I just know that I've had it for a long time.

I pick the ring out of the box. And it is my Claddagh ring.

I was worried about my birthday this year. Birthdays are meant for loved ones to tell you they love you. And I was dreading the day because my depression tells me that I am unloved. This feeling is deep routed. I constantly feel alone and like no one cares about me. So I was terrified to receive no happy birthdays.

I was also dreading it because nothing can compare to my seventeenth birthday. And the man who made that birthday so special is no longer here. So that is hard.

I think this reason is why the universe gave me this gift and I am so thankful.

Good night,
Totally Ky

I looked really cute today so you have two selfies.

This is a blog post I wrote in the summer of 2015 on my seventeenth birthday and this is the link to where it was featured but you're better off reading it here because it was part of a thing here I answered a writing prompt every day of the summer. I'm not going to edit it at all. Feel free to skip this. If you already read it comment down below because no on comments and I get lonely.

Writing prompt: You're best birthday

My best birthday was my last birthday when I turned 17. My papa was in the hospital around both of our birthdays, (mine is December 22nd and his is the 13th) he was having a lot of health problems and we were all worried he was close to his time. I think that was when he had some sort of operation I can't really remember because so many things were going on with him. It was really serious. After the hospital, he couldn't go home because no one could take care of him and he was having a hard time walking so he couldn't do a lot of things by himself. This was before my grandma took a break from her job so she could stay home and take care of him. So he stayed at "a home" temporarily until he recovered enough to come to "our home".

While he was in "the home" I was planning my birthday party. I decided I wanted to have a barbecue at my house and invite some of my family (the ones I like). I don't remember how the idea came about but I thought it'd be cool to say it was my party but then have it also be a surprise party for papa. So we would end up sharing our birthday. When we learned he was going into the home my mom checked if they could sort of borrow him for a couple of hours if he was doing well enough. A few days before the party after everyone had been invited and everything was ready and set up my mom said he wouldn't be able to come. I was so upset I wanted to call it off or push it back until he could come but everyone was already planning on attending so I tried not to show how upset I was and said that it was okay. I asked if we could visit him afterwards and bring him some cake instead. I didn't want to be ungrateful I just wanted to spend time with him and I felt lucky that I still could. I hadn't seen him very much and I really missed him. It was really hard every time he had to stay in the hospital or "a home" because I went from seeing him every day of my life (I live with my mom, dad, sister, grandma, and papa) to seeing him once a week if possible.

But the party must go on. A bunch of my aunts, uncles, and cousins came, it was fun but I was still sad my papa couldn't come. I tried to be happy and have fun but I was really disappointed. I was really excited about the whole surprise party idea. Well, it still ended up being a surprise party. But I think I was more surprised than papa. I can't remember how I found out, my mom must have told me, but only a short time after the party started I learned papa was coming! He was here! I ran out to see him (almost running over my aunt) and there he was. I was so incredibly happy. And I still got to surprise him after all.

When I asked my mom about my surprise she said everyone knew and papa was coming all along. Actually I guess my uncle didn't know it was a surprise for me because when papa was on his way my uncle said something like, "Grandpa's coming right?" and it was so funny because I never caught on and I said, "You must be uninformed on the latest papa news, you should talk to mom." I had no idea!

It was really cool to get presents with papa and have cake and everything. It was just so cool. I had an amazing time. I'm sure a lot of 17-year-old girls wouldn't want to share their birthday with their grandpa - wait . . . I think he said that to me after the party! Wow. Anyway but I'm really close to my papa, I love him to death. He was my only father figure for most of my childhood and he continued to be my father figure after my mom remarried. He's my hero and it was so great to celebrate my 17th birthday with him home.

P.S. I actually have his biography in the works if that something the audience would appreciate me putting on this blog, let me know. But it would have to be after the Summer Special.

P.S.S I just realized I might not have clarified "my papa" is my great-grandfather - my mom's mom's dad.

P.S.S.S I couldn't find the pictures from this birthday but there are pictures of me and my papa on my father's day blog