Am I happy? Am I thankful?

Happy Tuesday everyone it's not Tuesday,
Happy Thanksgiving,

I'm getting a new doctor who doesn't know me and doesn't know my past. Which sucks when you have a lot of history and issues that a doctor needs to know about. So I had to make a list of my PMDD symptoms.

- Anxiety (anxiety attacks)
- Depression
- Overly sensitive and irritated
- Trouble going to sleep
- Trouble getting out of bed in the morning

And I looked at this list and asked myself. Am I happy? This is a very common question for someone like me who goes through ups and downs along the mental health line. So when I asked myself if I was happy I started to think of everything I am thankful for.

I'm thankful for a mom who fought for me when I was being diagnosed and is now fighting for my sister.  A mom who was once both parents. And when our family expanded she still made me feel like we were still a team.

I'm thankful for a dad who taught me not all dads leave.

I'm thankful for a sister. I'm not always thankful for a sister. I forget sometimes. But then I remember all she wants is a sister sleep over in my bed to watch movies and eat ice cream.

I'm thankful for a grandma we call guppy for teaching me to make dream catchers.

I'm thankful for a Papa who used to watch me from his chair in the living room but now watches me from up above.

I'm thankful for Montana.

I'm thankful for a boyfriend who deals with a lot. I'm thankful for the friends he gave me. I'm thankful for Chula Vista and for learning Spanish.

I'm thankful for my friends who answer their phones at three in the morning to listen to me cry. Friends who wear onesies and eat junk food and suffer my horrible driving.

I'm thankful for everyone who loves me. For everyone who stays.

I'm also thankful for school for giving me direction. I'm thankful for bookstores and libraries for providing me a safe place. I'm thankful for the ocean because it's always there. Not just when I visit it. I'm thankful for teddy bears and ice cream and chapstick and office supplies and free stuff and glass elevators and the color blue and fairy bells and panda bears.

Good night everyone it's not night,
Totally Ky

P.S In honor of thanksgiving I am a fish. No, it's not supposed to make sense.

For more thanksgiving content check out my post from last year. Have fun finding that because I am not going to link it.