"You are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made"

Happy Tuesday Everyone,

 I recently went to the beach (Left) with friends and for the second time in my life I wore a bikini top. The first time was my graduation party at my aunt's community pool (next two pictures, the right is from my Instagram where I change my name a lot). I thought going to the beach would have been less of a big deal because it was the second time and the first went so well. But the beach was more public and the friends I went with didn't know about my body positivity journey. The experience went well just as the first had save a nip slip that lasted about two seconds thanks to a new friend. Now my trip to the beach wasn't really the reason behind the blog post but rather the background.

While sitting comfortably in the sand after looking for shells with holes in them to make necklaces, my friend, who was being turned into some sort of sand creature, made me sit on her other side to provide her a buffer from some unwanted attention. I sighed and grunted as I got up and upon sitting down I said something like, "I'm fat and lazy (complain, complain, complain)." Then sat in my new spot.

This prompted a comment from someone the group had met earlier in the day (the same newcomer who witnessed my nip slip). "Don't put yourself down."

My reply was quick. "I didn't say fat was ugly now did I?" The only thing I was putting down was my ass in the sand. Not my self esteem or anything else.

To the severe displeasure of my mom, I have taken up calling myself fat. The word has changed for me. People tell me "not to put myself down" because we are taught to think fat is ugly. But I am fat. And I am beautiful.

When I was a kid I was called fat on the playground. I understood they were calling me ugly. That word had so much power over me and I wanted it back. I don't want "fat" to be an ugly word that gives people power over me and my feelings. So I took the word back for myself. I changed the meaning. Fat just means you have extra weight. That extra weight doesn't make you any less beautiful.

When I looked at my belly with hateful eyes I realized it was crazy to hate my body type when it's the exact body type I am attracted to. When I look at my belly and thighs with fresh eyes I come to the conclusion  that if I met myself, at least on a superficial level, I would be all over that, While I had hated my own belly I would think it was so cute on someone else. While I had been insecure about my big thighs I would love them on another girl. If I met another girl with my exact body type and she told me she felt bad about herself I would be all sorts of reassuring. I would think she was gorgeous! I would be hard core flirting for her number and hints that she liked girls. While I wouldn't like a girl with my unapologetic, stubborn and rude personality, I would be all over a girl that looked like me. Sometime we just have to look at ourselves with fresh eyes. Would you hate another person with qualities you carry that you don't like?

In Summary: Body positivity
Love yourself
Fat is beautiful

Good night all,
Totally Ky

Here's an extra little . . . nip slip.

I got out of the water and this guy the group had met earlier in the day before I arrived rushed over to me and discretely told me my nipple could be seen  by the general public. While he did this he also blocked me from the group we were with behind him so no one else could see while I readjusted. Before hand I had been really upset with this guy but this and his later profuse apologies changed my opinion. When I later int he beach adventure told the group about his little show he kept apologizing. Saying he didn't mean to be a perv looking there and all that but I reassured him I was grateful and he did it in the most respectful way possible. He didn't laugh or tell anyone else so they could see and he immediately told me while blocking me from other eyes. Cool dude. Couldn't have asked for a better nip slip witness.