A Response

Hello again everyone and Happy Tuesday.

I wanted to make an extra post today because something came up during my day that I want to write about. I decided not to wait because it has to do with the discrimination subject in a way.


I was sitting in my first-period math class just before the bell rang when I hear something along the lines of, "I had to physically restrain myself from hitting a girl.". A student who sits near me and my friends who I have become friends with, tells us about how his neighbor's friend punched him in the face and he couldn't hit her back because she was a girl.

Of course, being me, my brain starts doing its spazzy dance. I start wondering why women are not on equal footing with men when it comes to violence. It's not seen as obscene when two men fight or two women but if a man and a woman fight even if the woman is stronger that is seen as disgusting? I'm not saying it's okay for a husband to abuse his wife. But why shouldn't a husband abusing his wife be seen as the same as a husband abusing his husband? Why does how we perceive violence have to do with gender? Shouldn't violence be violence whether or not it is man to man or man to woman?

In my second-period, I was messing around with a friend and said in response to something I don't remember, "We hurt the ones we love." and threw a pebble at him. He said, "Aw." then, "Wait, does that mean you want me to beat you up?" To which I said, "Psh puh-lease. We both know I would totally win." Several guys around us agreed. Smart money's on the girl. No one pointed out that he couldn't participate in our theoretical fight because I'm female. All they said was he shouldn't try to fight me because I would win.

So how are my friends from second-period different from my friend in first-period? Does my friend from period one value woman because he won't fight them? Or is he being sexist in thinking it's fine to hit another man but not a woman?

Now I didn't write a sexism post for this discrimination series even though it is something I'm really passionate about because I wanted to wait and do an interview that I don't really have the time for right now. And this isn't the post about sexism because the conversation did not stop at the sexist comment. This thought process in my brain happened in a second then quickly became active in a different way to the further explanation my friend gave about the situation.

He then explained why this girl punched him in the face. Because he said the "N" word. Well, of course, she hit you! I want to hit you! But he then says, "It was the friendly version though." He didn't say the original version of the "N" word. He said it the way a lot of my fellow classmates say it when they're greeting their friend. It's spelled differently.

This irritated me. It doesn't matter what version of the "N' word you say! It is still a version of the "N" word! And the "N" word is disgusting. When I hear the "N" word. In any form, friendly or otherwise, I go back in time. To when black people were slaves and treated as less than human. To me, that is what the "N" word represents.

When I told him this he said, "But she wasn't even black." Really? Really? She doesn't need to be black to be insulted by that word! I'm not black and I'm insulted by that word! Not the same way a black person would be. But it's like when you say the "F" word in front of your grandmother and she is insulted. I'm insulted when you say the "N" word in my presence because it is THE worst word you could possibly say. And especially call someone. I don't care if you're saying it to your friend and you don't mean it that way. You are using the word wrong. This word is meant to be THE worst insult you could possibly come up with.

Then he says, "Apparently it upset her." He was surprised! He was surprised that she punched him. I was like, "You said the "N" word!" to which he replied, "Well, she still shouldn't have resorted to violence. We could have talked it out."

That is where I see both sides. No, she should not have hit him. But he shouldn't be surprised that she did. He shouldn't act like he didn't understand why she did it. Sometimes you get so angry talking isn't an option amongst your brain cells that are now red hot with anger.

I am obviously a talker. An arguer. When I'm upset by something ignorant someone says I am most likely to yell at them. He said, "It's just a word." and I said, "Words are powerful." This is something I have always believed. I am a person of words and I am someone who was bullied by them relentlessly. In middle school, I was called, "fat" so many times that I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. While this word and ones like them don't have the same effect on me anymore it is still hard to hear the word (I'm going to write it out because saying the "F" word means something else) "faggot". Teenagers use this word they way they use the "N" word. It's used in "friendly" situations. Just because you say it friendly like does not mean it changes the meaning. "Retarded" is also used in this way. If someone said "retard" or "faggot" in the way my friend used the "N" word, I am likely to have the same reaction that girl had.

The difference though, I think, between me and her is I am better with words. I know the power behind words and I know how to use them. She exerts her power through her fists and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Except that in this case, my friend would have obviously responded better to words. He's a logical and smart person. He didn't mean to insult anyone and if she had said the sort of thing I say when someone around me says "retard" or "faggot" he most likely would have apologized. "I don't like that word. Would you mind not saying it?" The good people will say they're sorry. Jerks are likely to tell you to shut up. Which has happened to me. But in the end, it's a lot better than punching people in the face.

Always remember that words have power. Words hurt. I like to think I have a lot of power because as a writer I know words. I think of it like my superpower. But you know what they say. "With great power comes great responsibility" - I think Voltaire said this. We all hold the power to really hurt someone with words. Use this power responsibly and wisely. Don't say the "N" word or any other hurtful words even in a "friendly" way. You may think it's friendly, and your friend might too, but someone around you could be really hurt.

"Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can hurt like hell." - Chuck Palahnuik

Until next time,
Totally Ky